Some of the signals are remarkably useful, some are entertaining, some are open to tragic misinterpretation. So in the interests of international peace and understanding, here are a few of the most important. Pictures would make everything easier but my sketching skills aren't up to it.Waggling forefinger
Forefinger held vertically at head level, waggling from side to side. One of the most dangerous for risk of misunderstanding because it looks like an admonition: 'How dare you should say such a thing!' or even a warning: 'Any more of that and you'll be in deep trouble!' But it's neither of those, it's completely benign and used only to emphasise negation: 'There's no way I'm going to pay two euros for a tired cabbage!'
Waggling hand
Another one to learn as a priority. Hand extended palm-down, waving up and down like a traffic cop signalling you to stop or, if more urgent in appearance: 'Get down, there's an incoming missile!' But no, it means 'Come over here!'
Deep shrug
Both shoulders raised high as though trying to engulf the head. This is ubiquitous and, reinforced by the facial expression, is easy to interpret: 'Maybe, maybe not, who can tell?' Or more cynically, 'That's the way things are, sadly, but what can you do?'
Deep shrug with hands
An amplification of the deep shrug has both hands raised in front of the shrugging shoulders, palms outwards. The face will feign bewilderment with wide eyes, raised eyebrows and mouth downturned. Sometimes this truly indicates bewilderment, but more often it's deep scepticism: 'That's what they claim, and who am I to question it?'
Mouth zip
Lips closed, finger and thumb drawn from one side to the other as though closing a zip fastener: 'I'm saying nothing'. Typically employed to avoid a public scrap with your spouse who has just said something deliberately provocative.
Open arms
Like the Pope greeting the faithful - arms spread wide, hands held palm-upwards as though waiting to catch a very large balloon. This is a nice one, always friendly: 'Where have you been, cuanto tiempo, haven't seen you for ages.'
Slice of doom
Not a nice one at all. One hand is held at shoulder height, palm upwards and slicing from the wrist as though threatening a mortal blow with a sickle. This is most often seen in parents communicating with children: 'You stop that right now or I'll slaughter you.'
Horizontal hand waggle
Hand at waist height, palm down, fingers pointing forwards, thumb and forefinger slightly protruding and waggling like a small aircraft trying to land in a crosswind. This indicates maybe yes, maybe no: 'Is the sea still warm enough for swimming? Depends what you call warm...'
The benefit balance
Both hands extended in front of body, palm down, alternately rising and falling as though playing with old-fashioned weighing scales. Indicates a question of balance, weighing up costs and benefits – so, a rainy day is good for farmers but disastrous for visitors. If there's a winner there's a loser, the zero-sum choice.
Patting the poodles
Both hands moving up and down together as though slow-motion patting a pair of poodles. This is often exchanged by fellow sufferers queuing at the Post Office, an empathetic encouragement to keep calm, have patience, we're really in no hurry.
Five fingers down
Hand in front of chest, five fingers hanging downwards like weeping willow fronds while moving up and down: 'It's going to rain.'
Five fingers up
Hand in front of chest, five fingers pointing upwards while opening and closing: 'The place was packed, we were crammed in like sardines.'
Togetherness fingers
Hands held palm downwards with the forefingers extended in longitudinal contact. Signifies marriage, family connection, friendship or any other kind of relationship that might place people metaphorically side by side.
Ring finger interrogation
A friendly enquiry – forefinger pointing to a real or imaginary ring on the ring finger, accompanied by a questioning expression: 'Where's your husband / wife / partner?' This often reflects concern that the missing other half is ill at home or has ditched you for somebody richer.
Two-hand roll
Hands with forefinger extended, rolling over each other in front of the body. Normally a long-distance signal to or from a bartender: 'Same again.'
Clash of cymbals
Hands smacked together at a glancing angle like a showy cymbalist at the back of the orchestra. 'That's it, job done! Ya está!'
And, and, and...
There are many more gestures but most are self-explanatory. 'Give me a call,' for example, is a telephone handset comprising a thumb against the ear and forefinger pointing to the mouth. I once witnessed a wonderful variant of this, with a closed fist at the ear and the other hand briskly turning the handle of an Alexander Graham Bell wind-up telephone. Sadly I understood it at once, which places me squarely among the ancients.
